In His Hands

Monday, February 27, 2012

I knew I wouldn't stay away for long! :) I'm here for a few minutes this morning to write a post about something that is weighing heavily on my heart. This actually started out as a Facebook post, but I quickly realized it was too long and in-depth to put on Facebook.

After having been denied the Tourist Visa twice, Mauricio is currently an applicant for the Fiancé Visa. This is considered an "immigrant visa", so it involves a much more complicated and lengthy process.

I started this whole process pretty quickly after our engagement on November 16th. It took several late nights, at least an entire package of printer paper, and a generous portion of my sanity to get our package ready to mail. On December 12, we finally received confirmation that our application was received and officially at the bottom of the pile for processing. For the first week or two, I checked the immigration tracking website obsessively, waiting for any changes or signs of movement. Fortunately, Christmas and New Year arrived and kept me busy with other things, so I eventually stopped thinking about immigration constantly. And I did really well not checking the website or obsessing for a number of weeks. Sure, I've had to continue preparing documents and evidence for when our Embassy Interview is scheduled, but it hasn't been an all-consuming thing.

Until sometime last week.

Long story short, some innocent research turned into hours of reading which turned into sleepless nights of worrying. This whole immigration process is really scary. You're essentially putting your life in the hands of a few immigration officials who probably see you as 'just one more applicant.'

Since then, I haven't been able to get this out of my mind and heart. I've tried to distract myself with other things, but as soon as I'm alone and all is quiet, the immigration thoughts are back. I go through scenarios in my mind over and over again - being denied the visa, being subject to a stokes interview*, receiving a lifelong ban on applying for visas, etc. This process is, quite frankly, terrifying.

*A 'stokes interview' is an extremely personal and invasive interview done of the applicant and his/her fiance/spouse separately. They can take hours and get into really personal territory. They then compare the answers to look for inconsistencies.

I keep thinking how much I don't want to place something as important as my marriage in the hands of the U.S. government.


So today I'm choosing not to.

I've deleted all of the immigration links from my favorites folder and printed the only information I NEED to look at between now and our visa approval. I'm taking this entire matter OUT of the hands of government officials and placing it in the hands of God. Someone who truly does care about our future, our lives, and our hearts.

I've done all I can. Whatever happens, no one could say that I didn't try. I've probably researched, read, and prepared enough to constitute a semester-long college class. Or two. But I've reached the point where continuing would be more harmful to my health and well-being than its worth. So I'm done.

From this day forward, I'm going to do the best I can to remove immigration from my mind entirely. When the day comes, immigration will contact us about our interview. That'll be a great day! But until then, I'm putting this in the hands of God and doing nothing more than trusting him. It intimidates me that a random set of immigration officials have the ultimate say on whether Mauricio can travel to the States or not. It comforts me that the God of the Universe has the ultimate say on the decision of those immigration officials.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

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